A sad story would be an understatement

She loved him so much. Gave everything she thought would keep them together. He loved her too.  They have been together for quite some time now, had their shared moments of ups and downs. Normal for a couple, they would say.  Small misunderstanding and petty fights are part of a relationship that is going strong, or is it?

He has been patient with her.  Tried to understand and had been careful not to make her upset. She, in return, has been honest to him. Loyal and trustworthy she had promised to be and it was a promised she assured to keep.  But then fate is mean at times. It tries to shake things to check its stability.  How do you assure a relationship to be strong enough?

Years passed and so did everything. Everything but them. It seemed that they got stuck. Stuck on that space they cannot explain.  You got too comfortable, that’s  what other say. Is being too comfortable not good? Does that put out the spark that used to be there?

One day they decided to end the unexplainable agony they seem to have.  Ended a relationship that had a great start.  Thinking that it would free themselves from the confused mind and uneasy feeling, they went on separate ways.  She decided to fly to another place and he had stopped communicating to her. But again fate went all crazy and messed up with them. Could one still recover from a damage that is unfixable?

She longed for him. He missed her badly. She realized that they don’t need a spark. He figured it’s only her that he wants.  He searched for her before he would go completely mental. She decided to fly back home to see her love.

A day before her flight back she received an email from him.  He is going to wait at the airport for her. He missed her and wants nothing else but for them to be together.  She immediately replied to his email. She longs to be in his arms again. She regrets that they had parted ways.

As she took the plane she felt nothing but excitement.  She will be with him again and the best thing is, he wants her  back. At the airport she arrived, quickly she got her baggage and went to see him outside. But  she got confused for he was not there. Her family was, but he was not. Her best friend was there, but he wasn’t. All of them staring at her as she walked towards them, all with curious looks.

A few more steps and she could clearly see their faces.  Did he change his mind? Did he decided not to be with her for good. She saw her best friend adjusted her sunglasses. She stared. Was that tears I saw, she thought. She stopped walking and looked at them hoping she would see signs that would explain everything.

Her mom rushed to her, crying. She was perplexed. What has happened?  She could her heart beating fast. She was all confused. Where is he, is all that she could say. Her mom sobbed. A word she did not utter. She turned to her  best friend and asked, where is he?

He’s gone. Two words rang sharply on her ears. Gone, but where to? She flew back here to see him, where did he go this time?

Flashes of images went rushing on her mind as she imagined the things they told her. He went to the mall the day before to pick up something.  Along the highway he drove his car carefully, but from the other lane a truck lost its brake and crashed his car, pushing it to sidewalk. He was not able to escape. She tried to imagine he was able to jump out of the card, but it was no use. He was not able to escape.

She listened to everyone as they try to comfort her. She had not said a word, nor dropped a tear. She just tried to listen, hoping she would wake up from a bad a dream. But as she listened to their stories, she broke down when she heard it. He was going to the mall to pick up a gift. A customized golden ring designed just for her.

See life as a whole, not by problem

So you said you are happy. But then you cried. Once or twice, you cried. You have concluded that your life has become a hell. But then you are alive. Is that not a good reason for you to be happy? 

Now What?

I have always been a great believer of positive thinking, even in my darkest of days, I always focus on the brighter side of things. I think this has now been tested to its full limit. Up to what extent do I stay like that. Until where do I go forward believing it. I know I don’t have to be always okay, some days I could just be what I feel. But this time believe me, the boat has more than been rocked. I waited for nothing. I know I still have tomorrows but for some reason I don’t know if I still want to look at it.

I feel emptiest, and I know I’ll look back on this in the future. I always say, just go on, but what if you’re just tired of moving. It’s so easy to say if not today then try again tomorrow. But say it again to me when your life fell apart right in front of you and you couldn’t do anything about it. Say it again when you slept in rock bottom. Now, tell me again when you have lost everything that ever mattered to you. Talk to me when you’ve tried to get back on track with your life, make amends and what not, and you get slapped in the face that you came too late.

Look me in the eyes and say you’ll be there, and I won’t believe you. Give your hand for me to hold and I will be the one to let go. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Just do it, if you want to stay, then do. If you want to leave be my guest. Not this time, I need to take care of her too.

Juliet – 08162012 – 0516

Built for the Kill

Still with jeans and shirt, I sit here on a quiet afternoon. Alone with my thoughts, not a word shall be spoken. Wanting so hard to believe but I let my eyes do the talking. I ask for nothing more, I wish for nothing more. Is it enough to hope? If it’s lost, is it over? Wake me up when September ends, the song goes.

This is the kind of tired that can never be relieved with sleep. It’s the kind of headache that doesn’t have medicine. What is the worth of a bullet-proof car if your killer is the driver? Who else should you trust if your best friend is a traitor? Which path should you choose if you don’t know where you’re going? Random thoughts from cluttered emotions. Unspoken truth from a brokenhearted soul.

Ever so often do I dream of diving in that lake. Skinny dipping. Surrendering to your core. Still I find myself dancing in reality’s jewelry box with a familiar song. A song that plays a verse over and over. Where do I begin when it never even started. Just when the time you’re about to give up, something happens they say, what now?

Looking at that box that’ll take me to my hiding place, it’s just so tempting. But life, I have to face. I can’t even believe I’m still standing. I still got it. I’m still what he made me, I’m still who I’m meant to be. Built for the kill.

Juliet – 08142012 – 0833