A clock that stopped moving gets the time right twice in one day. A heart that should not be beating anymore, continues to pump with the help of a device. A ringer turned off can still receive everything but it can only whisper. A soldier who once was brave and strong in a battle can only get to places through his wheel chair.
Everything that is still working but assisted, are they really working? All that is broken glued back together, are they really whole? Sometimes or most of of the time we still function but not fully. We sometimes work without emotion, sometimes we feel but choose not do anything. Sometimes, when it’s all quiet, we feel nothing, we become numb and slip through a thought, a single thought that somehow wakes us up.
This too shall pass
Four small words yet weighs a ton. Nothing goes on forever because nothing is. Forever is not real, not here at least. We often hear and even say this, even if we know it doesn’t exist.
We are all blessed, in different ways, because we have different stories but there are moments you ask if you truly are happy. Or maybe you told yourself you are, often enough, hoping that there might come a day that your heart will believe you.
I’m too weak to feel. I’m too scarred to try again, and yet in this silence my mind is making too much noise that i can hardly hear the beats of my heart. Questions again flooding in my head, but my heart is silent. What made her quiet? Maybe now she understands, and the things that my head have been telling her just hit her.
Just when she found her voice again, reality shuts her up. But life is cruel sometimes, teaches us lessons that we think we don’t need until we do. Still nothing, not a word, not a single sigh. She still beats but she knows everything’s different. Nothing ever seems different until you look back.
Now I know she will be silent longer than she had been. Slowly crawling into her box again where she feels most safe. Nobody judging her, nobody telling her how she should feel. And finally before she closes the box, she posts a question, how much more patience do i need to get it right? Then everything goes numbingly quiet.
Juliet – 04162014 – 0437
I have always wanted to remember how it was to be at peace with myself. I do have some trust issues. This makes me questions every single thing existing around me. I doubt every single detail in someone’s statement. I barely believe the things that I see.
It is not fun at all.
To have second thoughts on everything makes my mind too crowded, congested with thoughts that drown my emotions. While others say they have a hole within them, I seem to have this big boulder inside my chest – a heavy feeling that I could not understand.
I used to blame this on an experience. A black shadow that covered most of my happy thoughts, letting only the darker past visible to my memory. I used to blame this on things that I cannot see. I used to blame everything but I was always unsure.
Then I was told that I should come to my senses. They said this was just me. I have been overthinking about myself, about everything. No one wants to hurt me. No one wants to fool me. They said I am the one making this big of a misery to myself.
So how am I to end this? I couldn’t just let it go. Should I just believe on the lies that I hear? Should I just get myself be fooled by all the bogus lingering around me? Should I just let myself be free of the doubts?
I have always wanted to remember how it was to be at peace with myself .I want to be at peace with myself. How could I be at peace, if I myself don’t know what it means?
Thinking out loud,