emo, woman, doubts, feelings, past, hurt, emotion

Thoughts Of A Woman In Heels

 

Dear space,

I have always wanted to remember how it was to be at peace with myself. I do have some trust issues. This makes me questions every single thing existing around me.  I doubt every single detail in someone’s statement. I barely believe the things that I see.

It is not fun at all.

To have second thoughts on everything makes my mind too crowded, congested with thoughts that drown my emotions. While others say they have a hole within them, I seem to have this big boulder inside my chest – a heavy feeling that I could not understand.

I used to blame this on an experience. A black shadow that covered most of my happy thoughts, letting only the darker past visible to my memory. I used to blame this on things that I cannot see. I used to blame everything but I was always unsure.

Then I was told that I should come to my senses. They said this was just me. I have been overthinking about myself, about everything. No one wants to hurt me. No one wants to fool me. They said I am the one making this big of a misery to myself.

So how am I to end this?  I couldn’t just let it go. Should I just believe on the lies that I hear? Should I just get myself be fooled by all the bogus lingering around me? Should I just let myself be free of the doubts?

I have always wanted to remember how it was to be at peace with myself .I want to be at peace with myself.  How could I be at peace, if I myself don’t know what it means?

 

Thinking out loud,

 

MATILDA

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Mercedes

Box of Unwritten Pages

A quiet noon with only sounds of urban jungle exist.
Sweaty and sleepy as the heat of the sun gives off a hint of Summer.
Looking at a wrinkly face as youth passed it by, staring back at life as it reviewed what journey she walked through.
And say, let it not be my fate.
Anyone if not everyone would wish to live longer, but not like this, not like that.
Robbed of that one thing that’s her window to the world and the world to hers.
Stolen of the secret weapon she flashed on gentlemen.
Left on a cold, stiff and hard bed to sleep on.
Waiting for the next meal becomes her business and her only agendum for the day.
Watches the day become night and then again tomorrow.
Sometimes wishing for tomorrow not to come.
Leave things how it is.
Go with dignity.
Funny, made me think…

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Nothing to Lose

Box of Unwritten Pages

I’m standing at the edge of a cliff, hearing the cry of each rock that fell to its death.  Standing still with my bare feet, with my naked mind and my silent heart.  There was just me and my thoughts. Staring life down, without noticing tears are falling fast down my cheeks.  I’m not sobbing, it just seemed like I was sweating.

I smiled with the hopes of life smiling back.  Instead it shoved me that caused my fall but not to my death, just on the ground.  So I thought it could only be 2 things.  One, I pissed it off, or it was telling me to back up because it wasn’t my time yet.  So I shouted, Why should it matter? What do I have left for you take? I got shoved for the second time.

This time I cried out  Don’t you get it? How can it…

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At World’s End

Box of Unwritten Pages

A famous title from a movie, yet seems appropriate for this article.  With this topic trending wherever since they found the Mayan calendar and what not, I feel like taking part in this epic fail theory of people in this generation.  Again it was a failed attempt to play God.  Even how modern the technology gets, even how much access to the unknown we have available, be God we can never be.  This article might get the atheists and the like warmed up to defend their so-called philosophies but I don’t really care.

Not to mention those dummies preparing for doomsday.  If the world ends, so we all die, what would we need those food for?  Waste of time, ain’t it?  Maybe we should look at this as a new lease in life.  Change ourselves to make the world better instead of pointing fingers to whoever started rumors.

They say…

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Let It Go

Box of Unwritten Pages

It is funny how sounds can heal the soul in no way other elements can. Others be healed through a song, others with a sound of rain. It can be done in various ways too. Others sob all the way as the song gets to their favorite part. Others stare blankly into space for they are numbed by each note for they had it on repeat.

Some people say, time heals pain, and some may even believe, some live by it. But only you can heal your own pain. The moment you decide what you do about it, is when the healing journey starts. The deeper the wound is the depth you have to fathom about what you can get out of it. Look at it as an opportunity to grow instead of looking at it as failure.

Though it’s easier to read or write about these things but bear…

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‘Til Death Do Us Part

Box of Unwritten Pages

That first glance, the first smile
The first time the voices unite
The first laugh, that first dance
The firsts

That magic you only see not in another eyes
That spark only ignites in silence
The light that shines on you in the darkest hours
The things in between

The last face you only want to see
The last leaf, the long last wait
That last smile with the last breath
That last glance, eyes closed
The last time you see forever
The end

Juliet – 10042012 – 1648

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Blue Moon

Box of Unwritten Pages

I remembered, I just wanted to forget. I didn’t change, I just grew up, that’s all. A lot has happened I couldn’t change a thing, so I just couldn’t allow myself to dwell on it, but otherwise pick up what’s left of me and walk on. Can you blame me, if I wanted not all but just one, just a thing to go right. But this is how I was built, I’m meant to be like this.

Only the right eyes would see such beauty. Only the right ears would hear what is really being said. Only the right heart will recognize its pair. A moment, a perfect one that’s made not waited upon. Just taking chances instead of holding on to what would’ve been. Speaking from what is felt rather than saying what is needed. A security blanket for a doubtful mind, for an insecure soul.

That one who…

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A sad story would be an understatement

Box of Unwritten Pages

She loved him so much. Gave everything she thought would keep them together. He loved her too.  They have been together for quite some time now, had their shared moments of ups and downs. Normal for a couple, they would say.  Small misunderstanding and petty fights are part of a relationship that is going strong, or is it?

He has been patient with her.  Tried to understand and had been careful not to make her upset. She, in return, has been honest to him. Loyal and trustworthy she had promised to be and it was a promised she assured to keep.  But then fate is mean at times. It tries to shake things to check its stability.  How do you assure a relationship to be strong enough?

Years passed and so did everything. Everything but them. It seemed that they got stuck. Stuck on that space they cannot explain.  You…

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Now What?

Box of Unwritten Pages

I have always been a great believer of positive thinking, even in my darkest of days, I always focus on the brighter side of things. I think this has now been tested to its full limit. Up to what extent do I stay like that. Until where do I go forward believing it. I know I don’t have to be always okay, some days I could just be what I feel. But this time believe me, the boat has more than been rocked. I waited for nothing. I know I still have tomorrows but for some reason I don’t know if I still want to look at it.

I feel emptiest, and I know I’ll look back on this in the future. I always say, just go on, but what if you’re just tired of moving. It’s so easy to say if not today then try again tomorrow. But say…

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