I have always wanted to remember how it was to be at peace with myself. I do have some trust issues. This makes me questions every single thing existing around me. I doubt every single detail in someone’s statement. I barely believe the things that I see.
It is not fun at all.
To have second thoughts on everything makes my mind too crowded, congested with thoughts that drown my emotions. While others say they have a hole within them, I seem to have this big boulder inside my chest – a heavy feeling that I could not understand.
I used to blame this on an experience. A black shadow that covered most of my happy thoughts, letting only the darker past visible to my memory. I used to blame this on things that I cannot see. I used to blame everything but I was always unsure.
Then I was told that I should come to my senses. They said this was just me. I have been overthinking about myself, about everything. No one wants to hurt me. No one wants to fool me. They said I am the one making this big of a misery to myself.
So how am I to end this? I couldn’t just let it go. Should I just believe on the lies that I hear? Should I just get myself be fooled by all the bogus lingering around me? Should I just let myself be free of the doubts?
I have always wanted to remember how it was to be at peace with myself .I want to be at peace with myself. How could I be at peace, if I myself don’t know what it means?
Thinking out loud,