The empty space in the beginning, looks as beautiful as after you have written something on it. Each and every day, I realize how thick the walls you built around the room I have given you. I have managed to tear down the layers of wallpaper that seemed to take forever to rip out. And then the wall hit me of how thick they are. It seems like if I’d let somebody in that room, I wouldn’t be able to hear them anyway. Because right before you left the room, you thickened it so much. But, I accept the challenge of tearing it down, I’ll get there eventually, maybe not now, but I know I’ll get there.
As I was in the room, I heard your voice again. I heard that laugh when you find something so funny. I know I sometimes gave you a hard time and it wasn’t because of you, it was me. There are battles only one person besides me know about. I was wondering because, I was listening to Perfect by Ed Sheeran, on that line where it said, I see my future in your eyes, I no longer saw yours.
The future excites me though. Lately, my anxiety have been so unkind. I’ll figure it out. In the fall, when the leaves are magnificent, a new challenge will arise. But let’s put it off for tomorrow. Let’s talk about today. One day at a time. There are a lot of things I have realized after I’ve stayed in that room for some time. You wore my heart down. Sucked all of the blood to the very last drop. But well, I’m slowly getting there, slowly standing back to where I was.
-juliet 04222018 1105