It’s Just One of Those

Mornings that as soon as you open your eyes everything already seemed wrong

The kind that you know every hour is going to feel long

Those mornings that your mind says get up

The ones that you just want to lay there and want the time to stop

Days that you can’t wait to end

You put on the brightest smile just to blend

Nothing feels right

But you’re trying with all your might

Finally dusk, the day is almost over

When every single part of you feels weaker as the night gets closer

You feel proud to have done what you should

But even that didn’t change your mood

Those nights you get ready for bed

Then you lay there with thoughts in your head

You try to pray, you want to pray but only tears are coming out

Even though you want to shout

You let it all out, tears are prayers too, people say

You’re happy with your life but sometimes you are just not okay

Everything including this, too shall pass, I suppose

But you’re not okay, not tonight, because it’s just one of those

-juliet 20190121 2213

Your Thoughts on… 

With the year coming to a close,  things rush into your head like a review of a movie that came out this year,  starring you and everybody you’ve interacted with in supporting roles. What has been said; what you have done;  how you’ve reacted or how you should’ve,  could’ve or would’ve reacted and otherwise. Then you ask yourself,  what is an old soul’s business in this modern day?  A time when people are the most sensitive to other people’s feelings but not morals.  Well,  I don’t mean to forget about the rebels. A rebel without a cause, a phrase brought to life by some this day and age. 
Many times have people thought and even sure that the world will end,  pointing fingers on the four horsemen being among us,  walking among us.  Nobody knows but the Father the Bible says,  not even the Son.  But men’s arrogance went so far as calculating when it is. 
Indeed we have come to an age where having morals are being frowned upon by the majority.  Doing the right thing was never easy.  Empathy is as rare as common sense.  Feelings matter more than logic. I have always come back to that essay Paul Harvey wrote entitled,  If I were the devil, the essay has come to life if we try to look around the world today.  To summarize it,  it’s about the modern times,  and what it is today. 
I understand how people have been hesitant to talk about what they believe in, in terms of religion,  what their opinions are in terms of politics and their overall thoughts on everyday things to not offend. Like what our older generations love to point out,  as the idea of our dogs getting neutered creeped into one of our norms,  have we lost ours as well? 

These thoughts don’t come from a high horse or from someone who claims to have a moral high ground but I try.  The tone of these thoughts are rooted from disappointment because as the beings on top of the food chain, we ought to be better. 
-Juliet 12102017

1506 mdst

He Exists

He existed out of pure emotion, the greatest emotion known to man. He was born on a different cloud, the weather was so unusual that time no man could suspend it. He was laid on a cradle chafed by dreams. He is no special not more than the others of his kind, he’s just different but that difference is yet to be known.

He was raised in a home full of kindness and goodwill yet, as he grew old, he never seemed to get into the place where he belonged; everything is just not as it’s sold. He’s just lucky enough that hands are reached out to pull him back just so he would fit in but he was a hard one, that boy. He never wanted to fall in line, just crash in. His favorite colors were black and gray. He lived at the edge of a small town where he chose to be on the run opposite the track of time, there he was at peace in the dark and was at home with aliens.

Growth was his menace if only he could have remained a child forever. In the wild he seemed to be a harmless cub but once he’s bitten he’d eat all up his would be predator, he was dubbed as the meanest kid in school, he was addicted to getting cuts and bruises and in his town he was a misunderstood soul. He eventually figured out that nothing really lasts forever so he comes into trying a little of some things that he considers far more better than calming down; things that opposes age, things that invites the theory of nothingness and of the days that never ends.

He eventually liked folly. He wanted to become rich because he wants to buy sanity but little did he know that sanity ain’t even for sale. He always gets lost, looking for hellos but he ends up finding goodbyes instead. He was living to die so that he would die living, ending what is yet to have begun. He saw his reflection irritatingly imitating him; he aimed to empty his core.

Core is the heart, a knight’s big heart. He was born with a core so fragile, that people around him wrapped it with an armor of steel. His big heart shines and nobody dares to break it but time just isn’t his friend, his armor got corroded and soon the corrosion corrupts his core. Now, his heart overloads with aches and pains. He laughs as his tears roll down. He is created to feel pain and be in the dark. There has to be a reason for all of this…

In the darkness he learned to appreciate the smallest glimpse of light. He is restless and is in constant battle against the deceptions of his deepest innermost self. Now, he is longing for salvation. He hopes to find the better man inside him. He wishes to stand steadfast amidst suffering; he wishes to become an agape soldier that’s hard to beat. Every time he feels down and lonely, he feels humbled yet motivated to be where the light is lighted up. Although he cannot fly, he can surely beat the air into submission and though he cannot catch up with the wind, life is still a chase after it. He exists…

He Exists In Order To Love