It’s Just One of Those

Mornings that as soon as you open your eyes everything already seemed wrong

The kind that you know every hour is going to feel long

Those mornings that your mind says get up

The ones that you just want to lay there and want the time to stop

Days that you can’t wait to end

You put on the brightest smile just to blend

Nothing feels right

But you’re trying with all your might

Finally dusk, the day is almost over

When every single part of you feels weaker as the night gets closer

You feel proud to have done what you should

But even that didn’t change your mood

Those nights you get ready for bed

Then you lay there with thoughts in your head

You try to pray, you want to pray but only tears are coming out

Even though you want to shout

You let it all out, tears are prayers too, people say

You’re happy with your life but sometimes you are just not okay

Everything including this, too shall pass, I suppose

But you’re not okay, not tonight, because it’s just one of those

-juliet 20190121 2213

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Your Thoughts on… 

With the year coming to a close,  things rush into your head like a review of a movie that came out this year,  starring you and everybody you’ve interacted with in supporting roles. What has been said; what you have done;  how you’ve reacted or how you should’ve,  could’ve or would’ve reacted and otherwise. Then you ask yourself,  what is an old soul’s business in this modern day?  A time when people are the most sensitive to other people’s feelings but not morals.  Well,  I don’t mean to forget about the rebels. A rebel without a cause, a phrase brought to life by some this day and age. 
Many times have people thought and even sure that the world will end,  pointing fingers on the four horsemen being among us,  walking among us.  Nobody knows but the Father the Bible says,  not even the Son.  But men’s arrogance went so far as calculating when it is. 
Indeed we have come to an age where having morals are being frowned upon by the majority.  Doing the right thing was never easy.  Empathy is as rare as common sense.  Feelings matter more than logic. I have always come back to that essay Paul Harvey wrote entitled,  If I were the devil, the essay has come to life if we try to look around the world today.  To summarize it,  it’s about the modern times,  and what it is today. 
I understand how people have been hesitant to talk about what they believe in, in terms of religion,  what their opinions are in terms of politics and their overall thoughts on everyday things to not offend. Like what our older generations love to point out,  as the idea of our dogs getting neutered creeped into one of our norms,  have we lost ours as well? 

These thoughts don’t come from a high horse or from someone who claims to have a moral high ground but I try.  The tone of these thoughts are rooted from disappointment because as the beings on top of the food chain, we ought to be better. 
-Juliet 12102017

1506 mdst

Let It Go

It is funny how sounds can heal the soul in no way other elements can. Others be healed through a song, others with a sound of rain. It can be done in various ways too. Others sob all the way as the song gets to their favorite part. Others stare blankly into space for they are numbed by each note for they had it on repeat.

Some people say, time heals pain, and some may even believe, some live by it. But only you can heal your own pain. The moment you decide what you do about it, is when the healing journey starts. The deeper the wound is the depth you have to fathom about what you can get out of it. Look at it as an opportunity to grow instead of looking at it as failure.

Though it’s easier to read or write about these things but bear in mind that there will be days and nights that the pain decides to pay you a visit. Now what do you do, when you have come so far? You treat it like any other visitor. Think of it as just a visitor. A visitor, comes to your door with a purpose. Now you can take comfort in another fact, a visitor always leaves. Hey, it’s just a visit.

So let the “visitor” come in, cry if you have to, laugh as loud as you can, sob until you get tired. When you have calmed down, think what’s the purpose. You and I both know this is no ordinary visitor, it doesn’t tell you straight up the reason for its visit. Don’t end the day without figuring it out. Once you have, like any other, walk it to the door and let it out. Then carry on. Allow yourself to experience it, to experience these times. You might initially want to erase whatever thoughts you have, but instead of pushing it, try to converse with it. Try to answer its riddles.

Anchor on the thought that it will all go away soon. Don’t sink with it, you are not the captain. The more you shove it in a shelf, the greater the pains that will visit. Go through the process, allow yourself to be fragile. Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself. If you think you have done every thing you possibly can, then you can only run so far, if you go any farther than that, it will cost you self respect. Don’t cross that line. Value yourself. You owe it to that 8-year-old kid that dared to dream something.

Juliet – 11292012 – 0750

Now What?

I have always been a great believer of positive thinking, even in my darkest of days, I always focus on the brighter side of things. I think this has now been tested to its full limit. Up to what extent do I stay like that. Until where do I go forward believing it. I know I don’t have to be always okay, some days I could just be what I feel. But this time believe me, the boat has more than been rocked. I waited for nothing. I know I still have tomorrows but for some reason I don’t know if I still want to look at it.

I feel emptiest, and I know I’ll look back on this in the future. I always say, just go on, but what if you’re just tired of moving. It’s so easy to say if not today then try again tomorrow. But say it again to me when your life fell apart right in front of you and you couldn’t do anything about it. Say it again when you slept in rock bottom. Now, tell me again when you have lost everything that ever mattered to you. Talk to me when you’ve tried to get back on track with your life, make amends and what not, and you get slapped in the face that you came too late.

Look me in the eyes and say you’ll be there, and I won’t believe you. Give your hand for me to hold and I will be the one to let go. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Just do it, if you want to stay, then do. If you want to leave be my guest. Not this time, I need to take care of her too.

Juliet – 08162012 – 0516

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I used to make up stories in my head every time I see portraits.  Pictures to me have great stories.  It has been dubbed to paint a thousand words.  Even moving photographs have their own story going on before it started and after it ended.  A photograph is a glance, that blink of an eye that’s captured.  A moving photograph is a moment captured.  Words spoken before, during and after was never caught, and it’s a secret between the photographer and the subject.  A secret that is kept even if it’s not written.  Unwritten rules are the most followed.  We tend to defy what seems so final.  We tend to question straight answers hoping there’s more to it.

When you’re sad and decide to take a long walk, the sky knows.  Then it whispers, is it going to be you or me today?  Either you or the sky cries, but it always knows that when it starts to cry, you’d cry with it.  But then it’s a secret between the two of you.  The sky knows its tears and you know yours.  Many things you’d want to shout out at the top of your lungs in an open ocean, hoping it’ll be written in the sand, as it’s just wiped away by the waves when the tides change.

I keep on hearing, when it rains it pours but it can’t rain  forever.  When exactly is the day after forever?  I stopped believing in that word a long time ago.  The more challenges you overcome the stronger the winds that come back.  The bigger the dragons you slay, the greater are the next.  It’s a struggle to climb up but when you’ve reached the top, there’s nowhere else to go but down.  Well, isn’t it just great?  Nothing but useless nonsense.

 

– Juliet – 8132012 – 0227