Your Thoughts on… 

With the year coming to a close,  things rush into your head like a review of a movie that came out this year,  starring you and everybody you’ve interacted with in supporting roles. What has been said; what you have done;  how you’ve reacted or how you should’ve,  could’ve or would’ve reacted and otherwise. Then you ask yourself,  what is an old soul’s business in this modern day?  A time when people are the most sensitive to other people’s feelings but not morals.  Well,  I don’t mean to forget about the rebels. A rebel without a cause, a phrase brought to life by some this day and age. 
Many times have people thought and even sure that the world will end,  pointing fingers on the four horsemen being among us,  walking among us.  Nobody knows but the Father the Bible says,  not even the Son.  But men’s arrogance went so far as calculating when it is. 
Indeed we have come to an age where having morals are being frowned upon by the majority.  Doing the right thing was never easy.  Empathy is as rare as common sense.  Feelings matter more than logic. I have always come back to that essay Paul Harvey wrote entitled,  If I were the devil, the essay has come to life if we try to look around the world today.  To summarize it,  it’s about the modern times,  and what it is today. 
I understand how people have been hesitant to talk about what they believe in, in terms of religion,  what their opinions are in terms of politics and their overall thoughts on everyday things to not offend. Like what our older generations love to point out,  as the idea of our dogs getting neutered creeped into one of our norms,  have we lost ours as well? 

These thoughts don’t come from a high horse or from someone who claims to have a moral high ground but I try.  The tone of these thoughts are rooted from disappointment because as the beings on top of the food chain, we ought to be better. 
-Juliet 12102017

1506 mdst

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Gibberish

I write in a form of randomness

Everything to me makes sense

Yet to some readers it is all gibberish

Words from someone foolish

But deeper thoughts are in my words

Read carefully and you will know

These are just mere emotions

Of every girl you may know

 

I write in form of randomness

These thoughts  cramped in my head

Ideas gushing out through words

Along with hidden sentiments

Memories , good and bad

Concerns on things I do  not know

A slight push and they will overflow

Filling up this little piece of note

 

I write in form of randomness

I understand if this youwould ignore

Not everyone are bound to understand

Nor would some even heed

For I write not for you

Nor to tease your busy mind

But I write to soothe my soul

Letting go of feelings

That I should have done before

No more than Friends

I don’t really understand what you are trying to tell me, I asked. But I didn’t mind telling it out loud. I just gave him an odd look as he held my hand tight. He does it a lot, yet he does not say much.

I gave him a weak smile as he looked at me before he left.  I felt the chills again. I’ve been having a lot of it lately. Every time I see him walk towards me, I tend to have that weird feeling. This is all my best friend’s fault. If she hasn’t just given me that idea, I would not feel like this. I would not even think of it.

I’m  Darla Villarante from Cebu by the way .  I’m on my junior year in Civil Engineering. It wasn’t really my first choice to take up Civil Engineering. You see, my dad is an architect and my mom is a Civil Engineer, or was an engineer. She passed away two years ago.  I felt obliged to take her place in my family’s company. I have an older brother, Carlo, and he is already following our dad’s footsteps and having that, he could be a real pain most of the time.

So here I am now,  stuck in my English class . Our professor just left but we still have 15 minutes left for his class.  He gave us a group activity to finish and I have him as a group mate. Lucky me, I guess. More time for us.

His name Bryan. Bryan Santos.  He is a really good fellow. Sweet, smart and all crazy at times. We’ve been buddies since the first day of college. I don’t really remember how we knew each other.  All I can remember is we have been hanging out since the first day.

“Darling you okay.”

Great. I really need to snap out of this thought. He is now staring at me and it’s really making me uncomfortable.

“ I can’t think of anything while you are there asking me every minute Bryan,” that’s the best alibi I could think of. Sigh.

My friend Ana had been forcing this stupid thought, “He is obviously in love with you,” she said, “he is extremely sweet to you. And remember that time when your car got broken in the middle of the highway? He got there right away after you called him and girl, that was really embarrassing having to push your car to the side of the road. He was faster than any roadside rescue.”

“Well you can’t expect me to call you for that problem,” I remembered answering her, “you don’t know anything about cars.”

I didn’t really consider the idea, not until two weeks ago.

It was after my Tuesday class while I was in the library.  He sent me a text asking me as to where I was so I told him.  After a few minutes, he was there, bringing some sandwich and a soda for me.

“Thanks, I’ll have them later,” I told him, wondering why he was there, “ so uhhh, what’s up?”

“ Nothing,” he said, as he pulled his chair nearer to me, “ just want to check out what you’ve been up to lately.”

“ Okay? Don’t you have a class or anything? You see, I’m studying here and you are a bit disturbing me in that process.. ” It wasn’t my intention to sound rude but the idea Ana has been pushing has popped in my head and I just had to sort of prove to myself I was being silly for even thinking of it.

“Class for my E mechanics has been cancelled. Apparently our professor got an accident on his way to class or something,” he was playing with the straps of my backpack while he seems to be just blabbering his answer to my question. “You doing something tonight?”, he asked as he dragged his seat nearer to mine.

That four word statement seemed to have deafened my ears. “What?” I managed to say.

“I was just thinking if you’re free tonight,” he said. For some odd reason he was playing with my hand this time, checking my cracked nail polish, “ we never really had dinner together, I mean, just the two of us.”

“And why would we do that?” I faked a chuckle. Still awed of what was happening, I felt my face flushed. “Where is Rose by the way?” I asked to subtly try to push the subject away, “I saw her earlier today at the parking lot. Why is she not with you? I was actually hoping she could help me with something.”

He just gave me a slight shrug. He didn’t even mind answering my question. All of a sudden he stood up and said he needed to leave.

The next day, he never mentioned anything. It even seemed not to have happened at all.  I told Ana about it and she went hysterical.

“He was asking you out! Are you crazy? I mean it is just so obvious” Ana tends to exaggerate a lot which I really find annoying, but she’s my friend, I am still hoping I would get used to it.

“But we know I shouldn’t be going out with him” I coldly answer her. Even though if I wanted to, I know I shouldn’t.

“Darla, you have been staring at that book for more than ten minutes already.  Are you sure you’re okay?”

Oh, I’m back to my English class now. I got too preoccupied with my thoughts I forgot he is beside me. Well, now he is sitting so close to me for he is looking at my book I have been staring at for quite some time now.

“ Are you sure you’re okay?” He repeated, he is sitting to me so close I could smell his perfume.

I stood up just in time for the bell to ring. “Uhh, I’ll just call you guys if I have any good ideas okay?”  My peers just nodded as I stormed out of the classroom.

I know deep inside I like this guy. I mean, who wouldn’t ? Bryan is the sweetest geek I know, but I should not fall for him. I am not even sure if Ana’s theory was right. Even if it was, I still can’t fall for him. I can’t fall for a guy with a girlfriend. Rose would kill me. Yes, Rose is his girlfriend and she happens to be my friend too.